Lately, I have been in a phase where I feel stuck in my mind. I am trying to figure out how to get out of my emotional trap. This is a good time to remind myself that healing, like progress in powerlifting, is not linear.
On the powerlifting side of my life, I can look back to when I started that journey. I remember the excitement that came with each new PR. With my coach whispering in my ear, saying progress isn’t linear. He highlighted different types of PR’s. It wasn’t just the PR of lifting more on a single lift than ever before. He also highlighted PR’s like doing more reps at a lower weight. I am thankful for that now, even if I scoffed at it at the time. More reps at a lower weight just didn’t seem like an achievement to me at the time. Then, alas, my old joints started getting aggravated. Some preexisting injuries also flared up. I had to really re-frame my thinking around training and progress. I cut back on the reps of certain lifts and scaled back weights on others. Spent more time focusing on form than on volume. It was frustrating, and I felt like I was just going backwards. However, the truth tends to come out in competition. I just competed in a meet last month. I did not even come close to meeting my meet PR for a total. I still felt like it was a win. I did PR my squat (which has been my nemesis lately). I would have (if not for some technical errors) met my PR’s for bench and deadlift. It wasn’t the weight lifted that made me feel so successful. I realized how much better my form was. The lifts felt much easier compared to the last time I lifted them at a comp. And there is another reminder in this message: success isn’t about proving your skills and value to other people. It’s about acknowledging them for yourself.
Looking at progress through the lens of powerlifting helps me when I get stuck on my healing journey. It is a good reminder for myself. In the past, I could brush off certain things that now cause me distress. This change does not mean that I am not making progress. Some things didn’t bother me because I didn’t even have the capacity to begin to process the feelings behind them, so I just shoved those feelings away. I may be more emotional about certain things. This is because I am actually addressing the root issue… I am working on my form. I have progressed to a point where old wounds are now a problem. These wounds were not an issue before. I could not bear enough emotional weight back then to address them, but now I can. Most importantly, I need to remind myself continuously. I know my value as a human is not based on what I can do for others. It is based on my being the best person I can be.
Intersections 