I once had a boss who described me as allergic to change. I can’t deny that he was, and to some extent, still is correct in that assessment. Fear of change is a fairly common human condition. Even when one’s current reality is unpleasant or difficult, embracing change can be extremely hard. 

There is fear that the work of change will not create the desired results.

There is fear that the change will take us away from our current support networks.  

Change can feel isolating and threatening, like setting sail into a storm in a weather worn boat. Will there be a safe harbor at the end of the journey? Will anyone be there to greet me?

Healing from trauma, however, requires embracing change. Changes in how one sets boundaries. Changes in one’s self-esteem. Changes in how one processes emotions. All of these changes can be daunting, even when we know that they are all for the better. 

The idea of being willing to embrace the difficult process of change reminds me of the parable of the prodigal son. Usually when I read this parable, I focus on the younger son’s return. His father sees him from a long way off. This reminds me that as we journey back to God and our true selves, God is there cheering us on. He comes to meet us on the road.

For some reason, while reading this more recently, my attention was caught by the older son in the story.  When the younger brother is welcomed home with a party, the older brother refuses to join.  He is bitter that a celebration is being held to honor that sinner of a brother he has.  He is still holding the wrongs that were done over his brother’s head, even after his brother’s repentance.  He refused to join in a celebration of the reunification of his family.  I can picture the younger brother looking out of the house during the party, seeing his older brother sulk away. What goes through your mind when you go through the hard work of change, and your brother refuses to share in the joy?  It is easy for me to feel the pain of the younger brother in this moment. 

But I can also feel the pain of the older brother.  How did the older brother feel when his younger brother abandoned the family, leaving him with twice the work? How hurtful does it feel when you do everything you are expected to and no one acknowledges it? This is where the spirit of bitterness starts to set in.  

There are wounds in the spirits of both sons in this story. Bringing these wounds to the light helps us navigate our healing journeys. We can have the courage to make the hard journey back to ourselves. We can do this without knowing what the reception will be when we get there.  We can allow ourselves to embrace the process of positive change.  We can allow that change in those around us as well.